The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
