can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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