OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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