Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
