After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
