Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
