he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
