I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
