matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
youre lurking in front of me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pants are for mortals
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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