i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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