Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
