I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
