I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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