Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
