I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
