Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's blow job season.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
