Umm I'm too high to move.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
