You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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