a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
