I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
