Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
