I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
