omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
