time to smoke my breakfast
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
