your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
