just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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