So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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