Buhtt sex?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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