She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
