i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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