I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
