if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
