when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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