I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What drink are we having for lunch?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
