nut hugger
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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