let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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