some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
