we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
