We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
