she looked like the before picture.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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