I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
