highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
