??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
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I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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