This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
