Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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