No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
