Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
