i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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