it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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