You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
