no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
