would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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