Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
