What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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