i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thank you for not boning my boss.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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