Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
