Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
