i think my tv is drunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
