She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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