I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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