I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
