He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
