i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
