I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
