So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
