i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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